For Lara

You are unaware of all this and we know you would be appalled if you knew

To say goodbye so early is not what you wanted 

Not what you needed 

Not what any of us needed

So 27 is a magic number in rock and roll 

an age you overshot by one year - 

Like the shooting star, over arcing in the sky

We know what we saw in you.

It’s the difference between Pete Best and Brian Jones.

The difference between Mama Cass and a singer called Alison from Vero Beach, who still sings like she must, still hoping and dreaming.

We can’t work out the algorithm that decides all this.

I hope we never do

It’s not about what is and isn’t true

It’s about how we love each other

And we love you.

There’s a big part of you still with us

Literally 

Like the perfect 

Reminder

Which is difficult 

Though your face

Is still smiling 

Though your hair is still shining

It is not you

And we know

We have to understand 

How precious clues

Live in everything you touched

Or spoke to

Or lost your temper with

Or made you laugh

And cry

And hope and dream.

What is incredible 

Is how in such a short time

You connected with

People and places

And your wanderings

With all the so so human imprints

Kept the best of you

Suspended

In the light

And all your senses reaching out through the earth and the sky and the very tiny stones on the shore where you set your bucket down and began to dig into the sand

If we go deeper and further we join the mycelium, 

A vast ocean of connections.

We are grateful for your breath in our hearts

And we will 

Think of you

As we knew you

And you knew us.

We know you

We feel you

Close.

Antony Pickthall

May 2925

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